Hey, everybody, and welcome back to the pursuit of purpose podcast. I'm your host, Melissa Keh. And today's episode is going to be one that is quick and juicy. And really to the point, addressing this whole issue of why you're stopping yourself from starting that business. The truth is, is it you, you're the problem. Like the Taylor Swift song, “it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.”

So the reason for crafting this is not to point fingers. First of all, I'm here to help you because this was me. And something that I really struggle with have struggle with, even recently in, you know, the businesses that I've started or you know, have delayed and starting as well, and even not starting it, but going all into it. So I wanted to expose and bring up to the surface, some of the biggest reasons why you're probably stopping yourself right now, from starting that business. Speaking from my experience, speaking from the experience of so many friends of mine, who are also entrepreneurs, and, you know, have worked to start and create their own successful businesses. So let's jump right into it.

Number one, is usually that you have this feeling that you don't know what to pursue, or how to pursue it. And for the most part, this religious comes down to not fully understanding I think your purpose and your passions in the way that you probably need to. So if you don't know what you want to do for your business, the best possible business you will ever create is one that can be grounded in what you are truly passionate about, and what you feel like your purpose is, because you're going to need to love it with all of your heart rate for it to be something that absolutely lights you up in doesn't feel like work, even though it is at the start of running any kind of thing that you're kicking up and starting up especially a business, it is often a grind with just how much you have to do how much you have to think about. And this is not to like scare anybody away, but you want it to be about something and grounded in something, then that you are excited to do all of that grunt work and grind work, you're so in love with what you want to create, or the impact that you want to have with it that like all of that doesn't matter. That's just part of the process that you're excited to venture into. And so you really want to have something where you have that feeling towards it. Because, you know, for example, if I was making a business on, like data security or something, okay, first of all really profitable right now, like I could 100% spin up a business concept and my business idea for that. But that would be so freaking painful for me to like, it wouldn't happen, like I would not be successful, I can guarantee my failure in that because I'm not going to have the passion behind it, to want to pursue it, especially when it's hard. So you almost want to think about this as like, if you had the worst days with this business, what what would make you want to continue like in what field or what genre or whatever like stream of business you're doing what would make you want to continue no matter what. And that is going to create the best and most solid foundation for you. If you're someone who doesn't feel like you know what your purpose is already, that is the first place I would recommend starting to understand what you feel like is your y here on this planet on this earth. And what is going to really fulfill you the most, it's important to distinguish that your purpose also doesn't have to be your paycheck ever. You know, you don't, your purpose is totally unattached from that. However, if you want to create a business that is from and grounded in that purpose and fits with it, you absolutely can make your purpose your paycheck, I think it makes a really strong relationship to do that. So building a business around and from a place of grounding and your purpose first, again, going to make the strongest foundation for you, it's going to be like that yellow brick road for you where it just has this sense of ease and flow with it and feels so natural for you to do not as much like you're trying to push a boulder up a hill. So I would start with purpose. And you know, if that is something that you're struggling with and saying came out, I have no idea what my even is or how to go about finding it, then I can also definitely help you with that in my one to one coaching program where I work with people one on one to help uncover this for them. So if that's something you're struggling with, definitely get in touch and we can talk about that. So if you do know what your purpose is, though, and understand some of the things that you are passionate about at least, these are the two biggest questions I get my clients to answer next when it comes to like figuring out this question. I don't know what to pursue for business. One if you had to do anything for the rest of your life and do it happily for free. What would that be and to if You're trying to help a past version of yourself, what would you help her or him with? And having the answer to both of these things will show you what you truly would be so lit up and passionate about doing. And also what is really needed in reality in the world. So like to kind of pieces of, you know, if you guy which is this model from from Japan, of understanding our purpose and really like, what our path is in the world, and like the best way to have have impact in it, what we're meant for essentially, the thing about this, as well as if you needed it in your past, like in terms of trying to have a past version of yourself, if you can identify something that you have needed in your past, chances are, there is someone just like you who could benefit from the lessons, knowledge or the expertise that you now have from going through that thing. Okay. Also, remember that there is no right decision, I don't know if there is an entrepreneur out there who has ever not pivoted in their business, at some point, I say pivot and not fail. Because everything that seems like failure is just a pivot, depending on the mindset and perspective that the entrepreneur has things change, they're going to change, and they will get more clarity as they go. So you don't want something to be like, perfect right off the bat. One, it's not going to be what you don't want it to be either. And it's okay to modify as needed. You know, in fact, I promise you that you will modify as you go. So, don't worry about also whether you're making the right choice air quotes on right, because there is none. And just start by acting on the answer that you have to those first two questions I gave you begin in something that you're passionate about, at least, that can help someone else, and that you feel like is connected with your internal purpose.

Okay, number two, here, there is a fear that you will fail, you're afraid of failing, you don't know if it's gonna work, right. That question I think comes up so much for any new entrepreneur, it comes up for me still, to this day, guys, to be honest, if I'm being transparent with you, always going boy, yep, I don't know if that's gonna work. I don't know, like, I know, you're never know, we're never going to know, I don't know if like the next business on the stock market is going to work, work or fold. The next day, we've seen countless stuff happen to BlackBerry, right? Like, stuff that looks like it's working, sometimes it doesn't know doesn't necessarily mean it's going to the next day. So if you're looking for certainty, entrepreneurship is not the lane of certainty. And it doesn't need to be. Okay. So accepting that as just the overarching constant with entrepreneurship, this fear of failure now, we have to accept that there's the unpredictability, but having a fear of failure within the unpredictability. One of my favorite books, it's, I think it actually is really my favorite book, is the subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. And reading that was like a whole enlightenment thing for me after I came back from Exchange, but one of the things that he says, and that's at the end, where it was just like, for my brain, even though it's so simple, that he said is, basically, “if you never start, you've already failed.” So people who are always going through life being like, well, I don't want to, like begin that because I don't want to fail at that at it. And I don't want to be made full up. And you know, I don't want to lose the money doing that bubble Boss, I'm just gonna sit here. If you know what you're supposed to do, and you're not going to do it, you're already feeling inaction is failure, you haven't started. So you're far better off being the person who starts the thing moves forward by by doing that, by taking the first action you're already winning. And when something doesn't go to plan, not failure, but something goes off the rails or to plan or Off Plan, then as an entrepreneur, you start to build up that skill to learn how to pivot. But it's never failure. Failure is only you sitting on here but exactly at Ground Zero while the other person fumbles their way to step 10. Or step 20, or whatever. The other Chinese proverb that is said so many times, but I really love is “the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now.” So your best time to act is now you need to act, regardless of the what could happen because anything could happen. We like to think in this pessimistic view of the worst things that will happen the failure that's going to happen, the bankruptcy the rather than what are all the best things that could happen from you doing this? What are the things that could do for your finances? What are the things that it could do for your sense of self and confidence and identity and the legacy you leave for the family around you? What are the opportunities it creates for other people that either you're going to employ or that you're going to inspire? There are so many upsides to us taking risk, but we like to focus on downsides because we can envision the downsides. We can't really as easily envision the upsides if you Where someone also who adds a ton of pressure, or has you know, perfectionism like me, one of the most helpful things recently for me is just to remember, just do it sucky. It's like Nike with crap on top, just do it sucky. And I literally have it on a sticky note written for in front of me right now. So literally just accept that attempt one, you are going to suck at it. And that you're just going to be ready for attempt to, it makes me way less afraid to act now that I repeat that to myself, when I'm in the moment, and I'm like, worried I'm like, Oh, this is the font rate. And the I don't know if this is the real color that I want to use here. And I don't know how I'm saying this, right. Or maybe I should release this tomorrow, or set that up. No fuck it, like, just do it sucky, I'm gonna go with my gut. If it says this thing, I'm just gonna do that right now. And you know what, I'll either learn a lesson that I probably could have done it in a better way instead, or, you know, it wasn't I actually learned something or I created a maybe a different opportunity or saw a different creative chance I could take by doing something sucky that I wouldn't have even seen before. So just do it sucky. And by doing that, I'm just going with the air of Ooh, this is fun. Like we're experimenting, we're learning I have this like, Freedom air about it of, I don't really know what we're doing. But we're experimenting, we can pivot. Nothing's set in stone, it's a lot less daunting than feeling like I'm writing in blood or something. If I say my color from my brand is going to be blue in the next six months, for now, I decided I wanted to be the yellow. Oh my god, I can't go back on that. Like, no, you're just experimenting, you're figuring it out. So whatever way you can take the pressure off of yourself that anything has to be good right away, because it probably won't be, it's gonna suck. And that's the whole point. If you were perfect, right off the bat, entrepreneurship wouldn't be fun. Part of the beauty of entrepreneurship is sort of like fumbling around and failing. And everyone's sort of, it's kind of like you're all in a bouncy castle, and you're all bouncing off the walls with each other. And especially when you have like entrepreneur friends, you're banging into things and falling down and banging into each other. But like, it's a party. You know, if we were just like, going for a walk, that's a lot less interesting. But we, you know, we'd have a set path, we're no, we're not gonna fall down. So, moral, the story, we are here to fail and learn and grow. So be open to that.

Okay, number three, you are afraid of the judgment from other people. This one affects all of us, okay, it affects all of us, it doesn't stop affecting all of us, we just get I think better at learning how to manage it and recognize it for what it is. So if this one is coming out for you hard, and getting in your way of starting your own business. I got I got some words for you. So doing something new, like starting a business inherently right means doing what we've never done before. Pretty self explanatory. These are going to be new things that we're not used to. But also everyone around us isn't used to us doing. Unless you've been an entrepreneur before which fair, fine. But for the bulk of us, right? If you're just starting out in doing this new business thing, there is that sense of like, Well, who am I and people are going to like, go What is she doing? What is he doing? Because they're not used to that or they're not comfortable with that image. And that identity of you, the entrepreneur, Sally, the entrepreneur, whatever your name is. So they are, of course, is going to be this potential for others to judge us when starting a new business. Because it's something foreign, it's uncomfortable and anything foreign for any of us, right? Our egos always like, man, we don't like uncomfortable, like, get that out of there. We don't like it. It's anything different. It's wrong. It's weird. It's bad, foreign equals bad to our brain. And that's what's happening for other people around you probably too. But when you're stomping your own dreams, and not starting your business, because other people might judge you, that really comes down to two main issues, which are the fear of rejection, or that need for acceptance and love from others so that you won't be loved. And also people pleasing. Which I guess coming out comes down to also that that fear that you won't won't receive love. We know that change happens all the time and are okay for the most part with accepting that right. But we have a lot harder time when identities change. And when we're about about to embark on something like starting a new business or some sort of new venture, a lot of the time there's an element of our own identities that start changing. I know this has happened, for sure for me, and maybe so maybe you're wanting to start an online business, but that means you'll be showing up on social media and you're afraid of other people seeing this new persona that you're wanting to step into as this expert or this leader or things that you are really really good at right? Or maybe you're so passionate about astrology and you really want to start your spirituality business but I No one knows about this or that you like this thing because you're like, in the closet spiritual, and you're afraid of being seen by people who you know, have no idea that that part of you exists. I understand and validate that that is so scary to put yourself out there like that, even like that is a true part of you. It's a true part of you that people aren't seeing the same way. They don't view you maybe that way. So we all carry an element of this being scared to be seen. And for the result that comes after showing the world, our new true self and true passions, which will be inevitably rejection that they won't love us any more potentially, right? That there there is that potential. So I'm not saying also that you won't face some rejection from people in your life. Because the truth is, and the reality is like, you well, and you might, those people aren't worth it. But you know, the reality at the end of the day is living with regret. In one hand of not having chased the business and the dream you knew was a part of you and who you are, and in your purpose simply because you never want it to feel rejection. That's not worth it. What that means is that you're killing a part of yourself, you're killing your own dreams for people who never even asked you to, and probably don't care if you do. They don't care if that part of you dies, they don't care if they don't care. But we're giving it so much value to let it ruin our lives and decide what we do or don't do, because of this potential that they may care. What you care about in your life, and what you do far away is times 1 million. That is not an exaggeration, what other people might care about what you do. And the truth is we think our others are judging us way more than they actually our people aren't thinking about you. They don't get they are thinking about themselves. Like if you think for yourself, how much how much do you think about what Mike, or Jane or I don't know, Sally, ( I'm just putting out the most random names ever here) what these people are doing out on the internet that you're friends with on Instagram, whatever? How often are you actually thinking about what what they're doing? You might scroll you might go hey that's kind of cool. Or like, Oh, that's a little bit like weird and doesn't seem like Sally. Okay, next picture. Wow, a puppy. Like, the attention span you give that is like half a second. So if they aren't judging you at all, it's usually for only that blip of time. And then they're back to obsessing over themselves. That's what we do, right? We give our attention for like a hot second to those people. And then we're like back to Oh, does my profile look good? And like what did what did they think about my story, blah, blah, blah. So realize that, we always think other people really, really care when you're just a drop in the bucket to them in like what's going on in their life, and they're way more self obsessed. At the end of the day, no outsider opinion should ever stop you from being the you that you are meant to be that the universe that God put you on this place to me and the business that you are meant to channel, that soul that that you through, to create and live out your purpose. Nothing, nothing is worth it. So please, please, please remember that when you are in that fear of judgment from other people, I know that it can feel even more intense when it's from family. But know that your purpose is always higher and always greater. If you believe that this business is an extension of you, the thing that you want to star is for you, everything you desire is destined for you. And there's a reason that you have that desire. So please, please don't give it up. Because someone else might have something to say about it.

Okay, number four here, you're not starting your business because you have a feeling of imposter syndrome, or I don't know enough. This is so huge. And you know, to that point that I just said, you know, if you're given the desire, it was for a reason. I want you to remember that here. God doesn't give anyone the passion or desire for some for something if there wasn't a reason for it. He qualifies us already. Just by giving us those talents giving us those skills, giving those those passions and loves and everything we have in our lives. So if you have this desire for some business, you're already qualified for it. There's always going to be the space to know more information. There's so much out there for us to learn and I fully in 100% encourage learning more and more and more but recognize the difference between feeling like you don't know enough say actually like material knowledge on a given subject. For example, medicine, okay? Versus when you simply are feeling like an imposter even though you do possess the skill set. I don't know how many times I could tell you guys I felt like an imposter talking about purpose or podcasting or whatever, when that is my bread and freakin butter. But I can still see Feel like I don't know enough because there's always more, right? And the comparison game around with people all around us and what they know, that slips in there. So, so easy. Also the thing when I think when you're starting a new business is like, you look around and you do have that comparison, you feel like you're not enough. And then you also see, well, she's doing it, and he's doing it and she's doing it already. Like, what where's the space for me? Remember, I want you to understand this, that of all the billions of people in the world that are out there, there is only one you there is only one you that talks like you that thinks like you that processes things like you. And so there is only one person that can make the business like you are going to make it. So if you think that you're you know, you don't know enough or that your your stuffs not going to be good enough, because someone else already has it. No one has what you have. No one has that business yet. And you're doing a disservice to the world to not create it. When you feel called. You need to look at yourself like the expert you already are. In if you have lived through an experience, and taking lessons away from it, you are an expert on that topic you are qualified already by what you have gone through and lived through. So know that there is always more to know and education have grown. But recognize that you have everything already you need inside of you to start today. Anything else you can build as you go. Anything else you can get from you know, somewhere else, you can get help, etc, etc. But don't let feeling like you don't have enough right now and aren't perfect already. Right at the start at this moment. To stop you from getting going. The experiences you've already had and the lessons you've learned those things they made you prepared, you are prepared to get going. So when you're thinking, you know, who am I to become a coach? Or who am I to start this beauty brand? Well, you're the person that has lived through so many hardships already and successfully navigated it one by one by learning about mindset, right? Or you are the person who went decades through the worst skin experience ever until you created your own product when they that totally healed your acne and now you want to share it. You were the only one with the experience and the learnings as you've had them and experience them and that alone makes you 101,000% equipped to help others in those areas through your business might drop.

Okay, last but not least guys - feeling like you don't know where to start. So if we've gone through all of those other things right here, we feel like we you know, okay, we know our passion. We know our purpose, we can kind of get over the fact that other people are not going to hold us back. But what the hell Mel - haha that rhymes- “Where do we start? How do I begin? How do I get going?” I understand full throttle that that can feel really overwhelming. Because I feel like there's so much information, there's so many questions you might have. The first the best place to start is just literally with one foot in front of you. Don't look at step 50. You know, oh, I need to have a like a automation system and a digital editor. What's step one, and listen to your gut really at the beginning, your intuition, your gut response, that is going to be the best leader for you. So listen to what excites you that if there's any kind of like thermometer, I could point you in to follow what excites you. If you are excited by doing a whole brand thing, like fine, do that. But if what excites you is just like, I go online of coaching because that's what I'm in. You know, I just want to I just want to help this person with this one thing, like I just want to talk to them. Okay, so start with working with one person, put out a free offer out there. help one person say I'm looking for one person who needs help with blank and wants to work together for four weeks. Just start, let it be messy. Do it on FaceTime, like, I don't care. But follow what lights you up at the beginning, especially when you're just starting out rather than what you think that you should do. And I'll like the business crap. And just start from there and add on. Recognize also to like, if you're struggling with oh, I don't actually know how to do that. Or I don't know what that tool is bla bla bla bla bla when you get to maybe like step four or five or six. Everything You Need to Know You can find for free online. Truthfully, like YouTube is a click away. Google is my best friend. Especially with like systems and stuff like that, my my alanda so everything you need to know be resourceful with it if you really really want this. Don't let the amount of information out there overwhelm you. But remember that anything you do need do want to know. Yeah, do you want to know or want to find you can find okay. You need to keep your blinders on as well. And this comes back to that comparison thing of you don't I want to start off by creating a business so caught up with it needing to look right or not No, convincing yourself that you don't know the steps that then you just take all of the steps from somebody else. I know coaches other love to offer all of these, you know, your 10 exact steps to build the bla bla bla, bla, bla, you can follow that bit, then you're going to be creating a business like them. And so my advice to you really is, you don't take the information that's out there, but keep the blinders on of what's important to you, the next step in front of you that you need to take not that and my lead, same date, or whoever, what do you need to take next? What do you need to do next, what in follow what's lighting you up most next, to make that next step, you can add on all the business structure into strategy and everything later, okay? You don't need that right at the beginning, you need to be excited about what you're doing, you need to have it be coming from your own heart, and be really leading with like, service and your purpose. And what is going to help that that person who's two steps behind you, that you that you have the expertise to help. Last piece on this too is once you started to build up, and you still feel like you know, you need help and support. Yes, absolutely hire someone to help support you in what you want to build or achieve. No one was meant to go it alone. And there are 1000s of mentors and coaches and support people out there and exactly the discipline you're looking for, to help you get to where you want to be. In I know it's really easy to go, Okay, now I don't need a coach, I don't need a mentor like I can do it on my own. I have done that so many times, which is totally true. But sometimes you just need someone to keep you in the lane. And you get to a point where going alone. Yeah, you can do it. But it's you start losing your spark for what it is you're working it. And you never want to do that. So think about it this way. There are all these people out there who will live through the struggles already that you're going through in your line of business that you've chosen. They've learned the lessons, and they're now working to serve people just like you so that your climb up the mountain isn't as hard that you have, you know, poles with you to help you go you got a GPS compass, you got some extra water like they're looking out for you and making sure you stay alive on that climb. And making sure that it's not as long or as confusing or difficult. There that leader in front of you on the trail of the hike telling you where the trail turns next. So you know, you don't take a wrong turn, or the bear and the snakes are so that you don't get hurt, don't run into those, or how to take the secret shortcut and avoid the really scary rocky detour that everyone else takes over there. Like they're there to guide you and be your protector and lead you to your success. They're there for you. So you can definitely go things alone. But remember that these coaches are here to have your best interests at heart and get you to the success that they wish they could have gotten to faster. I can tell you from experience, it's way more frustrating and way more time consuming, and so much less fun, just to struggle and like bump around into walls. So they're, they're there to help you get to where you want to be 10 times faster, and they can definitely do it. So when you feel like you're at a place where you're ready for that or not even when you're ready for I would say even before you're ready for when you're like I want to go faster, I want this to feel more flowy I want to feel like there's ease and I want to like love this journey and this experience of coaches, your best investment, invest in yourself, because I will always be the best investment. Like my coaches I've invested in have all been that for me. And now that is what I work to do for my clients. So if some of the things I just walked you guys through are really resonating, they're really sticking out and you're going like damn, you know what I don't feel like I understand my purpose, or how to create a business based in my purpose really grounded in that or that you're terrified to start or take action because you're afraid of failing or what other people are going to think about you or really simply put you truly just don't know where to start. But you know deep down that you're meant for more and have a bigger impact to make on this world, then these are exactly the things I help my clients through my one on one private coaching program. So when I work with clients over the course of 12, deep 12 weeks, I just I really dive deep with you wherever you're at today, wherever you come to the table with whether that's square one and finding your purpose or maybe your along the way and you kind of already know that and you need help and channeling that purpose and your passions into a business that you love and feel fulfilled and joyful and powerful in to have the impact that you want to make on the world. What you walk away with in my program is an unquestionable knowing of who you are. Your purpose that you're here to have in this lifetime and impact you're meant to have in just a life living out that in reality in your day to day and through your business. I know that's what you want and I know that's what you're looking for. So, if that is you, I invite you to apply today. And we can get on a quick no obligation connect call just to make sure it's a fit for you, it's a fit for me and get you on your way to living the fulfilled purpose centered life that you desire. The application link can be found in my show notes below. So you can head over there if you want to click that and get connected. But overall, whether you're in whether you're out, make sure that you have support for your journey because no one is meant to go it alone. And I know you don't want to struggle through every single step of your journey up the hill. So they're there to help you do that.

Okay, guys, that's it for today's episode, I hope it was helpful for you and maybe starting to unblock some of the resistance you've been feeling to starting your own business. If you took any value away from today's episode at all. Please, please share, send the link to a friend that you think it could also really help and just spend it share the love around. I love when you guys you know screenshot tag me on social media, I love seeing your reactions and thoughts on the podcast. And if you do want to score a free 30 minute coaching session with me, I'm still doing my giveaway into the end of the month where if you leave a public review over on Apple podcasts on the pod, you will get that session with me totally free. So what you have to do is go over to Apple podcasts you scroll all the way down to the bottom of the podcast homepage and just write your honest review there in the review section. Make sure you screenshot your review before submitting. And then either DM me on Instagram that screenshot or email over to me at [email protected]. And you will be sent a link to book that session. It's important you do that because sometimes Apple takes like weeks to put the reviews up so sometimes I don't even see them. So make sure you go ahead and do that. Okay, thank you so much for tuning in today and being here with me each week on the podcast guys. It means so much to me that you're here listening to my crazy voice and stories and I'm just so so grateful for you all each and every day. So I'm wishing you the best day ever with high vibes all the way and I will see you guys in the next episode. Bye

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