Hey guys, welcome back to the pursuit of purpose podcast. My name is Melissa Keh and I'm a purpose and business coach helping you to find and discover your purpose and live it out in real life. I can't believe it is October and not only October, but like the end of October, it just seems like the months and the seasons have disappeared and I kind of disappeared too.

To start with this episode and coming back to you guys after I I can't even call it a break anymore, but just this sabbatical From the podcast one. I missed you. I miss this mic. I miss sitting here with you and Yeah, hi I'm alive. So much has happened and I've gone and done so many things and, you know, this is not a podcast episode to have like an explanation for that, all of that, but I wanted to loop you into Really, what the heck has been going on for my life?

Where the heck have I been? Why such a gap in the podcast? And, yeah, where did this break kind of, kind of stem from? And give really a life update on what the heck has happened up till then. Up till now, not then. And, definitely wasn't a break that I was intending for the podcast. But I think that... I just got really busy with living.

Yeah, and I'll get into all of that, I guess, as we go here, but it's sort of a break that spanned from like, okay, I need a week here because, you know, I'm doing this thing or on this trip or, you know, away from my desk and my mic and all that for a little bit. And then that turned into a month and another month and then just like back to back adventures and travel and.

Everything like that really. So this is gonna be a little bit of an unscripted episode where I just wanted to take you guys along for where I've been and what that has all compounded to lead me to next, which I am really, really excited about in this kind of like next six months what is going on in my world.

So. I guess, when did we last connect? Beginning of the summer, very beginning of July, and that's kind of like where my whole summer just ran away from me in like the best possible way. And From going away, and I'll get into all the bits and bobs of this, but like from going away and being not at home for multiple weeks on end and then coming back for very few and then leaving again, it's just a break that sort of like spiraled.

And what's funny about it is that in thinking about the podcast and, you know, the work that I do with my clients, I never really felt, I never felt bad about it, which I shouldn't and nor should you if you take a break from the work that you love doing. First of all, let's caveat with that saying, but I never felt bad about it, really, until I was back which was kind of like, well, temporarily I was back, mid August and then I left again, but I never really felt any feelings about it until I was back and when I realized sort of how much I checked out, I'm And I had this whole deliberation in myself of whether that, like, the, the difference in balance we have between checking out because we're trying to be present and experience something and then checking out because we're running away from something.

And I think there are, like, different versions of that. I don't think... Well, I think that that mine could have been like both at times, but I definitely think it was more from just being so, wanting to be so present in the experiences that I was having and just so full on them that, you know, the things that I were, were upkeeping on a regular, more like habits based stuff.

Including, including this. I mean, anything that we're doing regularly, you know, workout routine, a podcast, journaling practice, whatever. Like those habits are something that if you don't have the right environment for them anymore, sometimes they can slip away or they can be really hard to maintain anymore because all of the mechanisms to enable that habit have changed.

And I find that that is really hard for me to do when I am traveling. And it's this kind of dichotomy I have and imbalance with my love of experiencing new things and traveling. But that often upsets a lot of the stability that I try and create. I'm someone that doesn't love routine. I like variety to things, but the routine is also what is grounding and helps move towards a goal, right?

We need a routine to help us and habit to help us move and progressively advance towards a goal. So I don't really feel bad about you know, lack of being online, lack of being like engaged in creating for you guys until I kind of came back and it was this Sort of crushing weight of all of my conditioning of being an achieving person and achieving child and all of that sort of like crashed in on me when I came back and or Or in the port was in the process of come of returning home and going.

Oh my gosh Like what have I done? All I've done is enjoy myself for five weeks, bad, bad me, like, how am I going to pay for that? And I hated that train of thought because I just, just had one of the best summers with incredible people, incredible memories made. And I w it's kind of like having A dinner with like really awesome company and it was like so special, like really my kind of magical meal and then waking up the next day thinking that you have to pay for it and you gotta go to the gym and work out a whole bunch to like work it off, air quotes, right?

It's just terrible, like, cause and effect. Thinking to have and I remember I was on a phone call with my therapist coming back and just talking about like what happened in the summer What I was up to and like how I'm feeling about it now and one other thing I think the comments I made to her was like I feel bad or like guilty because I I wasn't productive.

Like, I didn't work on the things that I was supposed to work on or that, like, which I set for myself, right? No one's set for me. But the goals and ambitions and whatever, I wasn't productive. I wasn't productive. I wasn't productive. I was just living, like I was just doing the things I wanted to do. And she said something to me that's like, I'm always going to remember and it's going to stick with me now whenever I'm judging myself in this way for enjoying my life.

And it was, Melissa, why isn't living in the present productive? And... I didn't know how to answer her, really, actually, because I've never thought of it that way. And I'm, I'm curious for you guys listening if you feel similar. And if you are someone who, hand raised, suffers from, like, productivity complex and, like, that whole thing, I'm sure you're, you'll be with me here.

But I really was focused on, like, being in my present for this whole five week stint. In the summer, and I didn't think of it as valuable after I thought about it. I thought about it as self indulgent, but I didn't think about it as productive for my life. And that was really sad, actually, to think about when I was coming back.

So I've tried to, like, compartmentalize it and understand. One, where those feelings were coming from but two, reflect and acknowledge like how much goodness came out of this kind of whole big stint of time that I did step away from creating and just working on my business and stuff like that and it wasn't like I was in burnout or I needed a great break or anything like that, it was just a series of events that layered on top of each other and opportunities that lay on top of each other to create a really incredible summer and even fall as well.

I just came back from a trip throughout the whole Southwest and Utah and the States and stuff. And so I'm definitely going to make, I think, a podcast about that too, but I'm just, I'm coming off of a lot of highs. One of the bigger things that I realized too, This summer in trying to juggle like these different priorities is that I am not a multitasker I I have prided myself my whole life on that before like oh I can do multiple things at once like in the kitchen I can I can cook and I can talk and all that but in terms of like, Being somewhere new or being somewhere that's like energizing or like on a trip or something and then also being like oh But I'm gonna work.

Yeah, I don't have enough diligence to do that Like I can't multitask because I end up not liking either right if you're you're if you go on a trip to Disneyland But then you're like, oh, I'm gonna work the whole time in there you are not gonna enjoy Disneyland and you're also not gonna enjoy your work like it just it's not a good combination and I always tried to like resist accepting that and I feel like this summer taught me that like, no, that's actually a good thing to accept and you're going to stop wasting all your time trying to do two things at once when you can just passionately do one at a time.